Talk to Their Listening
Talk to their Listening? Exactly what does that mean? An instructor of mine introduced me to the phrase and it has proven to be an extremely useful tool in terms of truly effective communication. You know, the kind of communication that actually results in you being heard and the listener being impacted! Here's how it works:
I have two children and as I'm sure many of you parents know, they are two very different people. The way I talk to one effectively is absolutely not the way I can hope to reach the other. They hear things differently, they each have very distinct perspectives on life. It's as if one looks at the sky and sees a deep blue and the other sees a pale blue. That's just the way it is. People are different. You know, you say potato, I say po-tah-toe! So I need to know how to talk their individual listening. What they actually hear through their individual filters.
I have a friend who is a manager of a group of sales people. Recently, he was having trouble 'getting through' to one of them. Getting through meant motivation. He had simply forgotten that each person is an individual with different personalities and attitiudes. He may have been highly effective with his motivational approach to one person but it was not working with another. Why? Simple. Two different people, two different listenings. He had to re-learn the simple fact that to really communicate with an individual, you need to recognize that individual's listening and then talk to the listening.
Perhaps the place this theory shows up most clearly is in your personal relationships. You know your spouse/significant other and you know how to get through to them when you need to. You know intuitively how to speak to them in order to be heard and to have an impact. There are times when our emotions get in the way of effective communiation. But when emotions do get in the way and we have time to reflect, we know what we did wrong.
Here's a clue: Start with Your listening. Are you truly hearing the other person or are you mentally deciding what you are going to say, even stepping on their words while they attempt to talk to you, and therefore missing out on half of their side of the conversation? Think about it. Try an experiment this week. When someone is talking to you, listen deeply. Forget about what you are going to say when they are finished. Just listen totally with no distractions. You will find that you hear a great deal more than you would have. You can get real insights into that person and what is important to them, what matters to them.
Once you know what really matters to a person, you can talk to their listening. You have allowed yourself to get to know them better. You hear them. Really hear them. If you find this person is highly sensitive, then you will adapt your talking to their sensitivity, their listening. If they are a person who likes direct communcation, then you will be direct. And so on and so on.
Give it a whirl. I guarantee that you will be surprised at what you gain. Let me know how it works. It would be great to have you share your thoughts with the other members of the blog.
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I have two children and as I'm sure many of you parents know, they are two very different people. The way I talk to one effectively is absolutely not the way I can hope to reach the other. They hear things differently, they each have very distinct perspectives on life. It's as if one looks at the sky and sees a deep blue and the other sees a pale blue. That's just the way it is. People are different. You know, you say potato, I say po-tah-toe! So I need to know how to talk their individual listening. What they actually hear through their individual filters.
I have a friend who is a manager of a group of sales people. Recently, he was having trouble 'getting through' to one of them. Getting through meant motivation. He had simply forgotten that each person is an individual with different personalities and attitiudes. He may have been highly effective with his motivational approach to one person but it was not working with another. Why? Simple. Two different people, two different listenings. He had to re-learn the simple fact that to really communicate with an individual, you need to recognize that individual's listening and then talk to the listening.
Perhaps the place this theory shows up most clearly is in your personal relationships. You know your spouse/significant other and you know how to get through to them when you need to. You know intuitively how to speak to them in order to be heard and to have an impact. There are times when our emotions get in the way of effective communiation. But when emotions do get in the way and we have time to reflect, we know what we did wrong.
Here's a clue: Start with Your listening. Are you truly hearing the other person or are you mentally deciding what you are going to say, even stepping on their words while they attempt to talk to you, and therefore missing out on half of their side of the conversation? Think about it. Try an experiment this week. When someone is talking to you, listen deeply. Forget about what you are going to say when they are finished. Just listen totally with no distractions. You will find that you hear a great deal more than you would have. You can get real insights into that person and what is important to them, what matters to them.
Once you know what really matters to a person, you can talk to their listening. You have allowed yourself to get to know them better. You hear them. Really hear them. If you find this person is highly sensitive, then you will adapt your talking to their sensitivity, their listening. If they are a person who likes direct communcation, then you will be direct. And so on and so on.
Give it a whirl. I guarantee that you will be surprised at what you gain. Let me know how it works. It would be great to have you share your thoughts with the other members of the blog.
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