Life is in a constant state of change.  I am once again in the throes of a major life transition...the death of a parent.  My darling Dad passed away on August third.  In his memory, I wanted to share the eulogy I delivered at his funeral as well as the speech my son Jake, who is just seventeen, also gave at the ceremony. 

My Father, although a short man in physical stature, was a Giant in my eyes and in the eyes of his family, friends and the business community in Akron.  Our nickname for him was Big Lou and that he was.  He was larger than life.  He was the patriarch of a large, extended family, serving as a surrogate Father when needed and always Uncle Lou, the man we all knew that we could turn to whenever in need of advise, comfort, love and support.  He leaves behind a huge void in the lives of my Mother, the love of his life for over sixty-five years, my brothers and me, as well as all of his grandchildren and his many nieces and nephews.  Who will we go to now that Daddy is gone?

Throughout my entire life, I was always Daddy’s little girl, not to mention a chip off the old block.  He was my knight in shining armor, my rock and my wise sage.  He was also my intellectual and political sparing partner.  I am the one who put those gray hairs on his head!  He was everything that a daughter could want in a Father and so much more.  I have always said that I could not imagine my life without my Dad because our lives were so deeply intertwined. Now I am faced with that reality.

The thing that stands out so clearly about my Father was his enormous courage and strong will.  Born into poverty to immigrant parents, he managed to live the American dream largely through a will of iron.  As a young man, he learned to box to defend himself from the ever present bullies and eventually became the Golden Gloves Welterweight Champion of Akron.  My brother Joel remembers the day on a jobsite when one of the workers made an anti-Semitic remark and found himself knocked out cold within seconds…by a man half his size.  You simply did not mess with Big Lou.

 He worked his way through college at the Uinvsersity of  Akron at the rubber factories; he served his country honorably and courageously in WWII and received the Purple Heart but was humbly close-mouthed about his experiences in the War.

When he returned from Europe, he turned his eyes towards real estate and without any money, he single-handedly built a real estate and development company that has been a fixture in Akron for over 50 years.  He personified the passion and energy that is required to be a success in business and in life in general.  My Father loved working and was at his desk everyday up until the day he died.  He was 87 years old and there was nothing any of us could do to make him retire. Arguing with Dad was always an effort in futility.

It is my Father’s place as the header of the Stile clan that stands out so boldly.  Woe to the person who received the dreaded ‘Look’ from Uncle Lou!  Reprimands and advise would follow but in retrospect, all of what he imparted to us was done out of love and concern. Not to mention the fact that much of what he said turned out to be true.  It is that love, devotion and generosity that he showed to everyone in our family that was the mark of his real character.  One could always go to Uncle Lou.  The youngest of the Stile clan of five, it was he that his older siblings turned to in times of need.  The respect and admiration that he generated from his brother, sisters, nieces and nephews is a testament to his enduring character.

My brothers and I never for a moment doubted the overwhelming love that out Father had for us. He only wanted for us to be successful, responsible, happy and contributing individuals.  He was never a showy person, quite the opposite. Although he had the means to spend freely, he never did.  His insistence on Tzedukah or charity was the mainstay of his life.  He gave and gave and gave.  My Mother says there were few people to which he ever said no.   He had a deep love for Israel and gave without hesitation.  It is nearly impossible to name the myriad charities to which he supported financially but also worked tirelessly for.  We were taught the importance of charity and service everyday of our lives.  He believed in the concept of Tikun Olam…the Jewish phrase for healing the world.  And heal de did.

He was a staunch supporter of the Universityof Akrom, the institution that set him on the road to success. Just a few days ago, pictures were taken of my parents for the dedication of the new Freda and Louis Stile Field House facility on the campus. 

He was the first and foremost a Jewish man of great faith. He was dedicated to his synagogue on Revere Road and was an elder of the congregation much like his Father, Velvel.  Much of what you see at the synagogue today has been the handiwork of my Father.

My Father suffered terribly over the last ten years of his life from many, many ailments.  He was in constant pain but he never complained. He was incredibly stoic and his usual stubborn self.  He put off using a walker until he had no other choice.  Amazingly, here was a man who could not stand up straight, who could barely walk, who had severe heart disease and had just undergone treatment for skin cancer on his face…and yet he worked out however he could up until the day he died. He sat watching television with Mom while lifting weights!  It was his will to live and be self sufficient that kept him alive years after his doctors told him he did not have long to live.  My Daddy extended his years on this earth because he refused to give into anything.

He loved my Mother deeply and she took care of his every need, which were many in the last few years.  To see them together has always been a testament to the endurance and sanctity of marriage.  My Dad’s success can be credited in a large part to the total support and love of his wife Freda.

I quote Dylan Thomas, “Do not go gently into the good night.  Old age should burn and rage at the close of day.”  That was my Dad, not only at the end of his life but throughout his entire life.  The day Daddy died was my son Jake’s birthday.  Just an hour before he passed, he called Jake to wish him a happy birthday and to tell him that he wanted to spend more time together.  Thank God that we spent so much wonderful time with him and Mom this summer.

In June when I arrived for a visit, I went into his bedroom late a night, sat down on the bed where he lay asleep and stroked his head and kissed his face.  He opened his eyes and looked at me in total astonishment and said, “Are you an angel?”  For days he repeated how he truly felt he had seen an angel by his side.  Please Dear Lord, keep your angels by my Father’s side.

Daddy, I love you so dearly.  I look to you, as I have always done, for the strength to live my life without your physical presence.  My grief and pain seem insurmountable today.  I need your courage and willpower…you have never failed me before.  May you see your parents, your brother and sisters…and may you rest in eternal peace.

Jake’s Eulogy for his Zadie (Grandfather in Yiddish)

 I can’t truly express how much I loved my Zadie. Rather, I can give you all the reasons why I do:

I love my Zadie for the way he smiled, whether in times of joy or sorrow.

I love my Zadie for all the lessons he taught me:

-How to swing a golf club; how to hit a baseball or throw a football…even how to control my temper when I did all of those things wrong.

-He taught me how to run a business; how to handle a wife and children and how to lead an accomplished life…things I had been learning since I was about ten years old.

-He taught me what true religion was and why it is so important to grasp the teachings of the Torah through my entire life.

-He taught me the necessity of family in one's life and I always looked to him as the foundation and rock of the Stile family.

I wear my pants today around my belly button because I know my Zadie would have told me to look professional!

I love my Zadie for his humble generosity, his gentle kindness, his overly tight hugs, his scolding of my Mother and his strong determination in whatever he did.

August third was my birthday and just two hours before he passed, I talked to my Zadie on the phone. He wished me a happy birthday and never had I heard such joy in his voice.  He ended by saying that he wished for us to spend much more time together soon and I could sense his smile over the phone.

We will spend much more time together Zadie for I know that you will always look after me forever. Today you not only rest in peace, but rest with the love and affection of us all.