Lessons in Alaska
Wherever you go there you are...right? I have to share some of the lessons I received on my recent trip to Alaska with my 88 year old Mom:
First off, we went to Alaska because Mom had always wanted to go there but my Dad was just too much of a workaholic. They never made it there because my Father passed away last August. So when Mom called to ask if I would accompany her on a cruise, I said yes. I must state for the record that I have never been one to cruise because the thought of being on a ship with 1000 other people has never even piqued my interest...quite the contrary! When I travel I create my own agenda and go with family or close friends. I usually opt for adventure, exploration and simply veg out. I know what I like and I custom design my trips along those lines.
The first four days we do a land tour which basically involves having your luggage outside your door at 7 am and spending the day either on a bus or train. No free or down time whatsoever. Add to that waiting in lobbies or train stations...in weather that was constantly rainy and cold. Ugh!
I'm a big one on acceptance of what is. I lecture and coach on it all the time. Accept what is versus what you think should be. Choose to make the best of it versus bitching and moaning. So what do I do? Bitch and moan and complain non-stop. I heard myself and couldn't believe it!
Then it's on to the cruise. A ship of 1000 people from very different backgrounds and locales. Glitzy shows, ala Las Vegas at night. Far too many people in one location. Buffets with lots of excessive eating. More schlepping on and off the ship. Tons of us tourists. Mind you, these are the same turkeys I used to make fun of when I sat on an island and watched them unload from the cruise ship... only now I'm one of them. Karma!
And I can't seem to let go of the resistance which of course only makes me more miserable. I proved all my theories correct. Resist and it persists. Resist and lose the opportunity for something new to appear. Accept and let things go and enjoy the ride. Physician, heal thyself! Mind you, I won't go on a cruise again but nonetheless I learned my own lessons on an experiential level.
Another interesting occurence came about on the Sunday of the anniversary of my Dads death. Needless to say, my Mom was feeling low and she started to talk about how lonely she was and how hard it is adjusting to this new life. What struck me was how the period following a divorce is almost identical to the period following a death in terms of what you experience. We both talked about how we spent many evenings at home alone. Old friends not inviting you to go out anymore because you are not an couple anymore. Sons and or brothers not really checking in to see how you are doing. Adjusting to an entirely new way of living. Feeling alone and plain out of it. Of course, there are differences but the similarities are striking. Divorce is like a death...the death of a way of life.
And now for some levity: I led a workshop tonight on divorce recovery. Afterwards one of the attendees asked me to talk and we spent about 30 minutes in the parking lot. She spoke of her divorce and it's difficulties as well as the challenges she was now facing. She asked me where my son was going to school and said she had someone she wanted to fix me up with and coincidentally his son was also going to Indiana U. Really I said, what was his name? It was my ex!!!!!! Turns out she was the best friend of my former sister-in-law. Go figure! The first time someone actually offers to fix me up and it's with my ex-husband! I called him immediately and we both got a good yuck out of it.
And so it goes...
First off, we went to Alaska because Mom had always wanted to go there but my Dad was just too much of a workaholic. They never made it there because my Father passed away last August. So when Mom called to ask if I would accompany her on a cruise, I said yes. I must state for the record that I have never been one to cruise because the thought of being on a ship with 1000 other people has never even piqued my interest...quite the contrary! When I travel I create my own agenda and go with family or close friends. I usually opt for adventure, exploration and simply veg out. I know what I like and I custom design my trips along those lines.
The first four days we do a land tour which basically involves having your luggage outside your door at 7 am and spending the day either on a bus or train. No free or down time whatsoever. Add to that waiting in lobbies or train stations...in weather that was constantly rainy and cold. Ugh!
I'm a big one on acceptance of what is. I lecture and coach on it all the time. Accept what is versus what you think should be. Choose to make the best of it versus bitching and moaning. So what do I do? Bitch and moan and complain non-stop. I heard myself and couldn't believe it!
Then it's on to the cruise. A ship of 1000 people from very different backgrounds and locales. Glitzy shows, ala Las Vegas at night. Far too many people in one location. Buffets with lots of excessive eating. More schlepping on and off the ship. Tons of us tourists. Mind you, these are the same turkeys I used to make fun of when I sat on an island and watched them unload from the cruise ship... only now I'm one of them. Karma!
And I can't seem to let go of the resistance which of course only makes me more miserable. I proved all my theories correct. Resist and it persists. Resist and lose the opportunity for something new to appear. Accept and let things go and enjoy the ride. Physician, heal thyself! Mind you, I won't go on a cruise again but nonetheless I learned my own lessons on an experiential level.
Another interesting occurence came about on the Sunday of the anniversary of my Dads death. Needless to say, my Mom was feeling low and she started to talk about how lonely she was and how hard it is adjusting to this new life. What struck me was how the period following a divorce is almost identical to the period following a death in terms of what you experience. We both talked about how we spent many evenings at home alone. Old friends not inviting you to go out anymore because you are not an couple anymore. Sons and or brothers not really checking in to see how you are doing. Adjusting to an entirely new way of living. Feeling alone and plain out of it. Of course, there are differences but the similarities are striking. Divorce is like a death...the death of a way of life.
And now for some levity: I led a workshop tonight on divorce recovery. Afterwards one of the attendees asked me to talk and we spent about 30 minutes in the parking lot. She spoke of her divorce and it's difficulties as well as the challenges she was now facing. She asked me where my son was going to school and said she had someone she wanted to fix me up with and coincidentally his son was also going to Indiana U. Really I said, what was his name? It was my ex!!!!!! Turns out she was the best friend of my former sister-in-law. Go figure! The first time someone actually offers to fix me up and it's with my ex-husband! I called him immediately and we both got a good yuck out of it.
And so it goes...
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