Watching the memorial service for 9/11 this morning, I listened to a young choir sing Mariah Carey's song,  Hero.  The line that resonated for me was, " You will come to learn the truth that the hero lies in you."

To have survived the loss of a loved one who was snatched from them so suddenly and violently is hard for me to wrap my mind around.  Yet, the mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands and children of the dead did just that.  So many of them used the tragedy of 9/11 to advocate for justice for their loved ones as well as laws and initiatives to protect us in the future.  They turned their individual stories of tragedy into ones of redemption.  They replaced their status as victims to that of heroes.

Consider the number of widows and widowers who had to find a way to survive, let go of the past and move on with their lives.  So many of these men and women had children to raise and they had to find a way to move forward no matter their pain.  Somehow they had to access the inner strength and resolve to continue. They did.

I rememeber a powerful concept to which I was introduced to when I was doing additional training in divorce coaching.  Turn your divorce story around.  Initially, our divorce story is painful, not to mention depressing. It is filled with loss, pain, resentment, regret and blame.  In the telling of it, we fall into sadness and all too often, anger.  Many of us are victims.  We go through a grieving period and if we put forth the effort, we can begin to see that our divorce story needs to be changed. We need to go from being the victim of our story to the hero/heroine of that story.

How?  After time, we will begin to see the gifts, life lessons and deep wisdom that our divorce has handed us.  We use these lessons and wisdom to transform ourselves, to let go of old emotional  baggage, to grow and evolve as a human being and thereby to craft new lives that offer us happiness, meaning and fulfillment.  We learn to use our divorce as a catalyst for something better for ourselves. 

We take a  look at that old divorce story and  rewrite it.  Instead of being a victim, we are the hero that survived, overcame challenges, let go of old demons, perhaps found a new career or job, managed to raise children in a safe and secure environment, learned to let go of bitterness, regained hope and optimism for life....on and on and on.  We transform that divorce story from one of victim-hood to one of heroism.

So how can you begin to rewrite your own divorce story?